范文对照：3 分与 5 分的差距

这一节用同一道题的两个版本，逐句拆解差距。

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题目

Read this email from your friend Sam and the notes.

Hi! I heard you started a new hobby last month. 【What is it?】
Why did you choose it? 【Explain】
Is it difficult? 【Say more】
Do you think I should try it too? 【Give advice】

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版本 A（约 3 分，95 词）

Hi Sam,
My new hobby is photography. I chose it because I like it. It is a little difficult but I am learning. I think you should try it. It is very good and very interesting. You will like it. Write back soon.
Li

逐条诊断：

维度	问题
Content	四点都碰到了，但每一点都只有一句、没有展开。「because I like it」等于没解释
Communicative	语气还行，但内容太空
Organisation	完全没有分段，一整块——这一项最多 2 分
Language	全是简单句；very good、very interesting 重复；只有一般现在时，没有从句

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版本 B（5 分，约 130 词）

Hi Sam,

Thanks for your message! You're right — I started photography last month and I'm already hooked.

I chose it because my grandfather gave me his old camera, which he had used for thirty years. After hearing his stories about it, I wanted to see the world the way he did.

To be honest, it's harder than I expected. Taking a photo is easy, but taking a good one isn't. I've spent hours learning about light and I still make plenty of mistakes.

You should definitely try it! You don't need an expensive camera — your phone is enough to start. If you like it, we could go out and take photos together next summer.

Write back soon,
Li

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差距在哪里（逐项对照）

	版本 A	版本 B
分段	0 段	5 段，一段一个批注
展开	「because I like it」	给了具体的故事（爷爷的相机）
从句	无	which he had used、After hearing、If you like it
时态	只有现在时	现在、过去、现在完成、将来
词汇	good、interesting、very ×2	hooked、harder than expected、definitely、plenty of
具体细节	无	三十年、几小时、明年夏天、手机就够
交际语气	平淡	You're right / To be honest / definitely

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从 3 分升到 5 分的四个动作（可直接执行）

1. 每个批注单独一段。 四个批注 = 至少四段。
2. 每个回答后面加一个「为什么」或一个具体细节。 说 I like it 之后，一定要接 because...。
3. 有意识地放一个定语从句和一个 if/although 从句。
4. 把 very + 普通词换掉，每篇至少换 2 处。

这四个动作不需要你的英语水平提高，只需要你写作时多花两分钟。

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自改清单（PET 版，写完花 3 分钟过一遍）

• 1. 所有批注／要求都回应了吗？（数一遍）
• 1. 分段了吗？至少 3 段？
• 1. 词数够 100 了吗？
• 1. 每个观点后面有理由或细节吗？
• 1. 至少一个定语从句？
• 1. 至少一个 because / although / if 从句？
• 1. 有两种以上时态吗？
• 1. very / good / nice 是不是用太多了？
• 1. 三单 s、复数、时态一致吗？
• 1. their/there、its/it's 拼对了吗？

练习：把你写过的一篇作文按这四个动作改一遍，对比前后长度和句式。