自测：先改大问题

这一节用一篇有问题的样文，检验你能不能按正确顺序改。

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样文（题目：Should students have part-time jobs?）

I think students should have part-time job. Because it is good for them. Part-time job can make them get money. And they can learn many things. Some people think part-time job will effect study. But I don't think so. My cousin have a part-time job in a shop and he is very happy. He work there every weekend. So I think students should have part-time job. It is very good for students.

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任务：按四层顺序改，每层先写下你发现的问题

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第一层：内容

发现的问题：
  ________________________________

参考答案：

• 观点是「应该有」，但理由全是空话（good for them / learn many things）
• 零具体元素——表弟的例子给了却没细节（做什么工作？多久？学到什么？）
• 提到了反方（影响学习）却没有真正回应，只说 I don't think so

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第二层：结构

发现的问题：
  ________________________________

参考答案：

• 完全没分段（一整块）
• 主题句是 I think... 太弱，没有判断的内容
• 最后两句完全重复开头
• 顺序混乱：观点、理由、反方、例子、重复观点

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第三层：句子

发现的问题：
  ________________________________

参考答案：

• 全是短句，没有一个从句
• Because 单独成句（Because it is good for them. 是残句）
• 连续三句以 And / But / So 开头

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第四层：词句

找出所有语法错误：
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参考答案（7 处）：

1. part-time job → a part-time job（可数名词单数要冠词，全文 4 处）
2. Because it is good for them. → 并入前句：...jobs, because...
3. effect study → affect study（effect 是名词，affect 是动词）
4. My cousin have → has
5. He work there → works
6. make them get money → earn money（中式表达）
7. It is very good for students. → 冗余，删

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改后参考（约 110 词，分两段）

A part-time job is worth having, as long as it stays under ten hours a week. Working teaches things school cannot: my cousin spent last summer serving customers in a coffee shop, and he came back able to look strangers in the eye and solve small problems on his own. He also learned what four hours of standing feels like, which made him think harder about what he wants to study.

Of course, a job can damage your studies — but usually only when the hours grow. He worked eight hours a week and his grades did not drop. The problem is not the job itself; it is the number of hours.

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自评

情况	说明
四层问题都找出大半	诊断能力已建立
只找出第四层（语法错）	典型问题：只会改小问题。回看本章第 1 节的分层顺序
找出了结构问题但改不动	正常，重组是最难的一层，多做双栏对照

最常见的情况是第二种：大多数人一看作文就开始抓语法错，完全看不见「零具体元素」「没分段」「结尾重复」这些更致命的问题。

记住：语法全对的空话，仍然是空话。

练习：用同一套四层顺序，改一篇你自己的旧作文，看看你在哪一层发现的问题最多。