用具体细节展开
约 12 分钟
有了主题句,接下来是证明它。这一步决定段落是「有内容」还是「在凑字数」。
最常见的失败:用抽象话解释抽象话
Reading is very useful. It is good for us. It can help us in many ways. Everyone should read more.
四句话,零信息。每一句都在换个说法重复主题句。
这是中国学生英语作文的头号问题——不是语法错,是没有具体内容。
展开的四种材料(记住 REDS)
| 缩写 | 材料 | 例 |
|---|---|---|
| R eason | 理由(为什么) | ...because it exposes you to sentence patterns you never meet in daily speech. |
| E xample | 例子(具体的事) | For example, after reading ten novels last year, I stopped translating in my head. |
| D etail | 细节(数字、时间、名字) | I read 20 minutes every night before bed. |
| S tatistic/Comparison | 数据或对比 | Students who read daily learn about twice as many words as those who don't. |
一个段落用上 2–3 种,就足够扎实。
改写演示
改前(全是抽象话,42 词):
Reading is very useful. It is good for us. It helps us learn many things. It can improve our English. Everyone should read more books.
改后(用了 R + E + D,78 词):
Reading improves your English more than memorising word lists does. ①The reason is that books show you how words actually behave in sentences, not just what they mean. ②For example, I had known the word "reluctant" for years, but I only started using it correctly after meeting it three times in a novel. ③Now I read 20 minutes every night, and I notice I hesitate less when I speak.
同样的意思,第二版有内容——因为它给了理由、例子和细节。
「具体」的最低标准
写完一句,问自己:读者能在脑子里看到画面吗?
| 抽象 | 具体 |
|---|---|
| I like sport. | I play basketball every Saturday morning with five friends. |
| The food was good. | The noodles came in a bowl the size of my head, and the soup tasted of ginger. |
| It was difficult. | I rewrote the first paragraph six times before it made sense. |
数字、时间、地点、名字——这四样是「具体」最廉价也最有效的来源。
展开的顺序
主题句之后,按这个顺序最稳:
① 主题句(观点)
② 解释:为什么(because / The reason is)
③ 例子:具体的一件事(For example / Take ... as an example)
④ 细节:给例子加数字或画面
⑤ 小结/延伸(可选)
注意 ③ 和 ④ 是分开的两步:很多人给了例子却不给细节,例子还是空的。
❌ For example, my friend improved a lot by reading.(例子但没细节)
✅ For example, my friend read one graded reader a week for six months, and her exam score went from 60 to 85.
练习:给下面这个主题句写 3 句展开,要求用上「理由 + 例子 + 细节」——
Cooking your own meals is worth the time it takes.
段落展开的四种材料(REDS)是什么?「For example, my friend improved a lot by reading」这个例子的问题在哪?
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